I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
