You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
