How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
