it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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