I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
