literally had 100 drinks last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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