in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
