I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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