your thong is hanging out like whoa
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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