taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
