I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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