remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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