Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
