whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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