I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
