It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
