AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
