I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
