I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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