she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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