I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
