I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
