you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
