I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
