Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
