I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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