Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
