based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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