So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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