She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
