Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
