She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
