tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
