he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
