I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
