does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
