I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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