I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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