He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
