I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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