I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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