I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
