shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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