Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I did not marry a roomba.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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