so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
