saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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