I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
