1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
