stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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