My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
