She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
