He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
