Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
