Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
