sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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