You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
