New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i drank out of a bidet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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