Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
